was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
