I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
love makes seman taste better
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
