Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize