I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
