Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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