So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
