There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
