I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
