Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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