Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
