he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
