I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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