We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
