I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
