I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
