I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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