we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
