beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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