she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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