I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
