Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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