so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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