I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
