turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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