my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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