Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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