I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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