If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
