He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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