Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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