Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
