i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
