I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
