i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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