I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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