Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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