can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize