you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
