i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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