They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
