When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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