Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
