M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
