I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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