i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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