so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
