Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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