my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just pee around me
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
