This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
