he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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