im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
