I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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