I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
