Will you blow on my dice?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
