i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
