Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
