her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
