can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
