apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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