so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I did not marry a roomba.
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