It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
