she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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