Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
