I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
