can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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