I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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