Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
