At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
