hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
